Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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