She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
