Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
