pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
