Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
