why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
