Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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