Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize