I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
