I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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