I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
