I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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