i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
