I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
