I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
