all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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