Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
