I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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