No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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