I want to make a zoo with you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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