she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
