next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize