i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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