he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
