yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
