if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I CAN MOONWALK!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
