omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
