I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
