Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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