just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
