whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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