everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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