if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So squirting runs in the family.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
