maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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