Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
