Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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