when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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