Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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