Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sobbing to NWA
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
