You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
