You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
