who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
