can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
