No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
