I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
