im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
