Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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