The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
