Only a mothe r could love this liver
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
