I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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