My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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