one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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