I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
