I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
