my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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