I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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