Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
