I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
