Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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