apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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