My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My ass is underappreciated
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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