She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize