It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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