Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
