So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
