If i come over, it means nothing
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
