remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
