We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
