i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you made out with another girl for some wings
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
