I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
FUCK WHALES
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
