I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize