Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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