he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
