none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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