I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
