the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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