But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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