Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
