i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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