He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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