drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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