I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
